BY NORMAN WILCOX
After many years of failing to figure out how to keep the mighty Red River at bay in the spring, the North Dakota National Guard has come up with a solution: shovels and Solo cups.
Spade shovels and red plastic Solo cups will be dispersed to all residents of Fargo and Moorhead. Half of the residents will be asked to use the shovels to dig the river deeper, while the other half will bail water into buckets, which will then be filtered and drunk.
Although some residents are skeptical, Fargo mayor Dennis Walaker defended the plan.
â€œWeâ€™ve got this under control,â€ he said. â€œBailing water works in sinking boats, so it will work here. I read it on the Internet.â€
There is a small chance the Solo cups wonâ€™t work, but nevertheless, local college students are awaiting the chance to get their free cups for beer pong and tippy cup.
â€œI just ran out of my red party cups,â€ said Joey Lefrees, a junior at MSUM. â€œNow I donâ€™t have to go to the store to get more.
You could say this is a true â€˜re-rack.â€™â€
Whatever that means.
While the efficacy of bailing water remains to be seen, Walaker said digging the Red deeper will probably just keep people busy.
â€œIf anything, it will build character,â€ Walaker said. â€œLike in the movie Holes, except Fargo wonâ€™t turn into a Girl Scout camp at the end. And thereâ€™s no treasure.â€
Some concern has been raised over how volunteers will breathe while digging under water.
â€œDuh, hold your breath,â€ Walaker said.
Coordination of the effort is less than good. Betty Dufrense is the lead planner of the â€œdig out,â€ and said sheâ€™s been too busy.
â€œIt doesnâ€™t matter where you bail or dig,â€ she said. â€œI donâ€™t care.â€
Distribution will begin whenever the National Guard gets here, which will probably be later on.