I am having problems with my boyfriend talking to girls he’s been close to in the past. He knows it bugs me but he still talks to them. I’m sure they’re trying to make me mad. I make a point to let him know when things bug me, so why does he keep in touch with them? I’ve talked to his friends about it too, and they know how he makes me upset.
Jealous of Jolene
Dear Jealous Reader,
Though jealousy is a natural human trait that touches us all at certain points, we can’t let it control us and our relationships unless there are legitimate examples that anchor your feelings of mistrust. Jealous people have often been referred to as “green-eyed monsters” for a reason. Jealousy can get out of hand quicker than we realize and can consume our every thought and deed.
Sometimes, our jealous natures are triggered for a reason. Other times, we are overreacting and can damage our relationships with other people due to our assumptions.
Try to keep an even temper as you analyze the situation you are worrying about. If your boyfriend and the woman currently embodying your fears were friends before your relationship started, don’t expect them to cease conversing altogether. It will create a feeling of entrapment for your significant other if you prohibit him from staying in touch with old friends. No one likes a control-freak, and receiving unwarranted condemnation from loved ones is not exactly enjoyable.
Obviously, there are times when your womanly intuition edged with green is correct in assuming something is amiss. However, trust from both partners is vital for healthy relationships to continue flourishing.
Notice I said “from both partners.” Mark my words: Women are not the only jealous creatures. Men and women are equally prone to jealousy, so this advice should be taken by both genders.
Don’t make a public display of your bitterness, jealousy and insecurities. Have some propriety. Embarrassing your boyfriend in front of his friends, co-workers and family members concerning your qualms will not solve anything. It will only make matters worse and will build a wall between the two of you.
If obvious flirting is occurring or excessive meetings with certain women are taking place, you should address these concerns with your boyfriend, but if harmless conversing between friends occurs here and there, don’t sweat it. By creating a mountainous problem out of nothing, you risk building a mountain of strain in your relationship instead of drawing him nearer to you.
Trying to think the best of loved ones will not only help relationships grow stronger, it will help set your mind at ease. I don’t mean you should live in denial of your lover being capable of doing wrong, but you shouldn’t expect him to mess up whenever around friends or co-workers who may intimidate you for various reasons.
By aspiring to be an even-tempered woman who looks before she leaps into lashing out judgment and anger, you will save yourself from looking like an insecure idiot and from creating unneeded rifts betwixt your partner and yourself.
Remember: If you act like a controlling and monstrous woman who can’t see past her foggy, green lenses, how can his family and friends support your relationship? They will more than likely try to persuade him to rethink his admiration for you and look elsewhere before you complicate his life even further.